Are you a napkin holder?

Napkins and Me...

Very seldom have I come out from a banquet hall or a friend’s party without carrying a dinner napkin along with. It is not me alone, but many people who I know, after finishing a meal come out with something tightly clenched in their hands only to be released and let out once they reach home or any other destination.

It is a dinner napkin, a square piece of cloth folded neatly into a triangle and placed cleverly under the dinner plate. It is an unspoken rule that each plate gets lifted with a napkin so that you can exercise exquisite etiquettes while eating, in case of a spillage or food bits falling over and around your mouth. This rarely happens for most of us eat very deftly with all the due protocols in place.

Unknowingly and subconsciously the napkin comes back home with you.

It is not that you want the napkin, or you have a streak of kleptomania but just that you may harbor a strong sense of possession; ‘not letting go what we have in hand’, mindset that most of us harbour. This is normal. I call it normal, for one we are social animals and then like the same species we have a herd instinct and with the above two traits possessing becomes imperative.

Nothing is ever held tightly by me than a simple plain and unassuming dinner napkin from my host’s place, it could also be a paper napkin.

What is the psychology behind it?

Your being willing to discuss can be a breakthrough. Logic does apply , and going beyond words and finding an explanation for this can put us on the track ..

Psychology says a powerful sense of possession is in play, that motivates you to cling on, hold on and just not let go .One may deny and say that no that’s not true but the question then is, what is it?

It happens to me all the time, as a result of which I have a myriad collection of colourful napkins that hasn’t been used by me, but is in my captivity. I look at them and am horrified thinking how could I do it, for going back to the host and handing it back now makes me doubly guilty of taking it away in the first place.

How will I explain myself ?

Mindfulness is lacking for sure , we are clinging to something that lies deep in the sub conscience , a sense of not letting go , prevails in our psyches, thereby making us fight and hold on till our last breath. This is also a persecution dilemma, going on from times immemorial and deeply ingrained in our minds. Attacks ,suicide attacks, conversions, abductions, imprisonments concentration camps resulting in injuries, grief or trauma .So the conditioning is that of preserving and possessing ,’ Run away with it before it is taken away from you. ‘Hold it tight don’t let it go.’ .

So when you have come out with someone else’s stuff and think it’s too trivial to go back and hand it over.. a napkin after all, one wonders, why the hell did I get it out in the first place? .

It is not a problem but why should it happen ?

The rule of our sub conscience is that has no rule ;it is a manifestation of deeply buried instincts and prejudices and most importantly it believes in self-preservation.

Setting aside your feelings is not a sensible strategy because you'll only end up being irritated. It is just that you have grown comfortable with the western dinner methodology . Be conscious to wash your hands after a meal, so that you loosen the grip on the napkin .

There is also a fear of forgetting and leaving behind your things, which makes your grip on whatever you are holding even more firm . Fear of losing your things, losing your guard, losing your coherence and balance are all embedded in us and these social anxieties do show up in areas that could be remote or hardly connected and tend to manifest rather differently.

Know yourself before you know others is my favourite line. Look inside, find yourself, deal with the person you see .You need to accept this one with an open mind and this could be an emotional breakthrough and can change your outlook and take you in a new direction .Allow this knowledge to get into you .This is the real you locked up inside. Free this person, make it secure and reassured.

Holding on will only bring unhappiness, even if there's a bright future beckoning just ahead.

Let’s not forget that deep inside all of us there is a different environment, the flora and fauna of our emotional ecosystem..

Sort it out .

Take out the fear of losing something ,don't worry about the unknown; there's nothing you can do about the future, until it arrives.

I am at it !

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